Posts Tagged ‘weird’

Hello. My name is Doombah Gizzardhump.

The following is excerpted from a children’s book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names…

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use  the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toesr
 r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush’s new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.

Now when you SHOW THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE…use your new name as the subject. And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day.
John Mcains is “Farcus Battybutt”
Barrak Obama’s is “Dorfus Featherdoodle”
Hilary Clinton’s is ” Boobie Frickenlips”.
Sarah Palin is “Dorfus Dippindoddle”

My Story… Based on a Dream

The Game of Life

 

“Where am I?” I thought to myself as I woke up in a dark, black area. What did I do today? I can’t remember anything that happened. Then it hit me. Shocked and troubled, I went back to my endless sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

            Walking around in the woods, something was following me, but I don’t know what or who. I was never so scared in my life. I started to walk a bit faster. Then I saw a house nearby. As I came closer, I saw that it was a small house with smoke coming out of the brick chimney. But the smoke wasn’t black or gray. In fact, it was pink.

 

            Without paying attention to that, I knocked on the door.  An old woman with wrinkles all over her face answered. She looked sad and troubled.

 

            “Can you help me? There is someone after me,” I told her.

           

Then she did the most peculiar thing. As if she didn’t hear what I said she said, “Are you here for the prize? We are playing a game of Life.”

 

“A game of Life?” I said thinking of the board game.

 

“You will be given a series of tests and if you answer each question correctly you will be granted a long, happy, and fulfilled life. If not, well, you pay the price.”

 

            “What is she talking about? And what does she mean when she said I had to pay the price?” I thought to myself. I figured there was nothing to lose, and even if I said no, the dark figure, whoever it was, would find me.

 

This is where I went wrong. I accepted the challenge. She then let me in. There were seven other people playing.

 

“You,” she said. The old lady was pointing to the little boy next to me. “What is this a picture of?” She held up a map.

 

“Um… Oklahoma?” the little boy answered timidly.

 

“Wrong. This is Thailand.” Then the little boy disappeared into a big, pink puff of smoke.

 

Now I knew why it is called Life. If you lose the game, you lose your life. That’s how it worked. But, there was no turning back. I had to do it.

 

The night grew darker and darker. As each person lost, I felt colder. I waited until there was only two left. One of them was me.

 

“Now, who should I do next? I know, you.” She pointed to me.

“Me?” I asked.

“Yes, you. Do you see this big house?”
            “Yeah”

“Well, I want you to circle all the little houses”

 

That sounded so simple and easy. This was going to be a piece of cake. Or so I thought.

 

“You have sixty seconds. Ready and go” She then set the timer.

 

I circled them all within thirty-four seconds and decided to relax. I closed my eyes because I was really tired. Big mistake.

 

“Time’s up,” she said.

 

I smiled. This was it. I opened my eyes and then looked down at my paper. It was gone.

 

“This can’t be happening.” I looked all over. “But I… I circled them. All of them! Where is it? I finished it, I swear!” Throwing papers everywhere trying to find it, I was crying hysterically.

 

             She then said, “I’m sorry.” She put her hand on my shoulder. Just then I saw it. The other person had it in his hands. He was giving me a cruel, menacing smile. He knew that I was going to die, but that didn’t matter to him. He won. But then just before I could say anything, I disappeared in a sad puff of pink smoke.

Haha. Such BS. Idk anyone’s name that begins with a… OH S#!T!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.